Learning to say YES again

I sighed in agony as yet another task was added to my never-ending to-do list. How was I going to get all of these things done when my attention was constantly being pulled away by the 2,458,929,342 things my students needed from me? (You may think I’m being dramatic here, but it really did feel like they needed 2 billion things from me every day).

The trouble can be traced all the way back to my teen years. I was smart, competent, and a natural-born leader. The trifecta to facilitate perfectionism and overwhelm. So when people wanted to make sure things got done right… guess who they asked? That’s right, me. And of course with all my first-born, people-pleasing tendencies I only knew how to utter one word when they asked me anything… YES. Will you take care of this for our group project? YES. Will you organize the cheer list for the pep rally? YES. Will you choreograph the next dance? OF COURSE.

At first, this felt AMAZING. I was getting things done! I was on fire! I was needed. BUT as the years passed and I continued to say YES, even as the questions got bigger and the weight of those responsibilities got heavier and heavier… Will you serve as student council sponsor and plan Homecoming festivities? SURE. Will you coach your daughters pee-wee cheer team? YEAH. Will you serve as department chair and on the textbook committee? YES. Can you stay after school and help me study for the test tomorrow? OF COURSE.

I continued saying YES, but now I had a new title that required so much of my time and energy… You guessed it: MOM. If you aren’t a mom of small children let me tell you one thing… It is all-consuming. Something happened when I became a mom and those little turkeys consumed almost all the space in my brain. I spent much of my time taking care of them, but even when I wasn’t with them they were all that I could think about!

My life was bursting at the seams, and I was getting crushed in the process. But after a few years of overwhelm and burnout, I started to learn. Slowly I started to say NO to new things. And I realized something amazing… the world continued to spin even when I refused to take charge of things. So I started to say NO more. I even began saying NO to all the things I had previously said yes to. I chiseled away at my responsibilities until there weren’t as many “extra” things left that could overwhelm me.

And for a while, I thought I was okay. I was a mother of young kids. I was teaching high school math. I had help with the kids so I could stay after school for tutoring a couple days a week. Everything seemed to be in balance.

But then… Enter COVID. In Spring 2020, the COVID pandemic took education and flipped it on its head. And at first, things weren’t all that bad. I was at home with my kids, doing minimal work on the computer. I wasn’t worried too much because surely things would go back to normal in the Fall when we returned to school.

WRONG. When we returned in the Fall, it was anything but normal. We had frequent shut downs all throughout the year where the kids would “learn virtually” but only a small percentage of them would do their work or log on. We also had a hybrid model where students could opt to learn from home for the entire school year instead of attending in-person. So this meant at any given time I would have about 30 kids learning inside my classroom and about 5 or so learning virtually, so it was my job to make sure they were all engaged and getting their questions answered. This felt impossible…

Unfortunately, this wasn’t something I had the option of saying NO to. So in the overwhelm, I decided to say NO to other things… taking papers home to grade, planning outside of the school day, staying after school for tutoring, or writing detailed lesson plans.

But can I tell you something? It didn’t help. No amount of trimming the little things helped the immense sense of overwhelm I felt daily as a teacher.

Even after the fear of COVID subsided and things returned to “normal”, things weren’t the same. The kids who went through the chaos of education during COVID had a completely different outlook about school, their education, and their futures than I’ve ever witnessed before. There was a hopelessness in them that was contagious. I wanted so badly to help pull them out of it, to shake them and scream “You’re amazing, and you’re capable of great things!” but nothing I could say or do seemed to help them snap out of it. .

This entire experience led me to the biggest NO I have ever said in my entire life… I said NO to being a teacher.

Since my Junior year of high school, all I wanted to be was a teacher. To help people. To have a great schedule to be with my kids more as a mama. And after spending over a decade as a teacher, it wasn’t just my job… it was part of my identity. (If you are or have ever been an educator… you get it. It is so deeply ingrained in who you are). But the job that I once loved was slowly draining life from me and taking my health so I stepped even further into my season of NO.

First, I decided to take the rest of the school year off. But when the district asked if I wanted to return in the fall, my gut screamed NO. So I didn’t go back. I had jumped into building my business instead, working to build a life that truly serves me.

I’ve been savoring this season of NO for a while now. Cleaning up my life. Ridding it of the things that don’t serve me. Finding peace.

But I feel the winds starting to change. There’s emptiness to my life now… and a season of YES is coming. But this time I’m going to fill my life with things that bring me joy. I’m saying YES to all of the things that fill my cup. Mama, will you jump on the trampoline with us? YES. I need some help. Can we hop on a quick coffee chat? YES. Want to go on a trip? YES. Will you be a guest on my podcast? YES. Can you attend this mastermind? OF COURSE. Will you lay down and snuggle with me for a while, Mama? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!

If you’re like me and have been pruning your life during a season of NO, get ready… because we’re about to kill it in this next season of YES.